Kids and Family
Single blokes have it simple, you like simple things with two syllables like football. And you get to watch match of the day if you want.
Married men – we like simple things – words with two syllables, like bake off. We watch it not because we have to, but because we want to and we’d actually quite like to bake a cake, even if it turned out well – in which case our wives would hate us for it.
Family life is more complicated.
Having 3 daughters, for example, I was a bit miffed when someone thought I might have a favourite. Sarah-Louise, Ruby-May and Devil-Spawn believe me, they are all treated the same. This guy asked me “If they were all drowning which one would you save?” That’s a ridiculous question – isn’t it? I can’t swim!
I love my kids. And I love my wife. I heard her start to use the hairdryer while she was in the bath and I thought: No! she’s actually using the hairdryer in the bath – you’ve got to do something! So I rushed in and shouted “drop that hairdryer”.
Later, in counselling, this woman said to me “You’re interpreting everything your wife does negatively; try to see the positives in everything she says and everything she does.” I thought “OK Fair enough”. I’ll try it. So we were in the kitchen larking around and I said “oh come here coochy coochy coo – give me a cuddle baby”, and she pushes me away and said “you’re not funny get off”. And I thought “aww bless her” – “she’s just helping to toughen me up ready to face the hecklers”.