Comedy Homework Script Week 2

[Walks up to the microphone stand….takes out the Microphone, looks around at the audience and sizes up the room.]

Hello…. (PAUSE)

As a school boy, not just any school boy, a grammar school boy – (looking smug) I used to get the train to and from school.  Heavy school bag over one shoulder, I would have walked around in circles if it wasn’t for the chip on my other shoulder.

One summer afternoon I’d bunked off school heading and was heading back to the train station.  I saw the train was just pulling in. It was on the other platform so it was 50/50 at best whether I would make it.  So I started to leg it.

This was in the days before health and safety, and you could open the doors of the trains from the outside.

[Face Stage Left]

And I got down the tunnel and up the other side; I knew it was going to be close; I must have been sprinting at about 15 miles an hour.  [Runs towards stage left]

(I had done this many times before) was running alongside as it was pulling off, and this kind young lady was looking out of the window willing me to make it, but it was going really fast it was touch and go.  And as I got closer, I could feel her sympathy towards me.  And I managed to just get there and grab on to the handle.  And I opened the door.

[Looks onto floor – looks stage right]

Her handbag had fallen out of the door onto the platform and shot off in that direction at about 15 miles an hour (pause), her faced changed (pause), and I was like Nah you know what?  It’s ok I’ll get the next one.

I don’t get the train anymore

No, now I get the tube.  It’s a lot easier.

When I get the tube I like to get a seat and be comfortable relaxed and happy, not like the grumpy, angry pregnant woman standing in front of me.   Normally I wouldn’t have seen her as I usually have my eyes shut when I sit in the priority seats.

I also read the Advertising Slogans and wonder what they really mean….

  • Just do it! Just buy the trainers….
  • Because you’re worth it …. We think you’ll pay a little more
  • Every Little Helps ….. Us Make More Profit

[Walks back and puts the microphone back in stand]

I only remembered the story about my trip home from school when Chris set the homework.  I mean that happened over 35 years ago now.  But it’s not the image of that woman’s face on the train that I remember as she pulled off.  No it’s the look on her face as the next train pulled in to Beaconsfield and she was waiting on the platform.  Sheepishly I hid in the toilet.  Luckily she was on her own and didn’t have the police with her.  Well – what would she tell them?  I’m waiting for a young schoolboy with a handbag??

Thank you and good night.

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